DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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