Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
