as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize