You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
