We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Randomize
