if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
