**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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