I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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