fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
