So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize