4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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