oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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