My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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