Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
