She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
