i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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