i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
