I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
