Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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