he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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