Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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