Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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