My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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