Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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