ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
