I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How does one acquire holy water?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
