I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
