dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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