Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
im holly from the hills drunk
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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