does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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