I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
