I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
