Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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