so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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