when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Ladies don't puke and tell
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
