Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
