I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
