They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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