i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
