they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
