sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
