An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize