Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
