why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
