if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
