I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
