Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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