I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
