I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
