How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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