saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
