I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
