the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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