i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
