She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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