Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
