there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
