You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Randomize
