you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
