Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
