I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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