Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
