i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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