What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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