I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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