her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
