I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
