She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize