You just made me feel so damn special
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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