There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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