Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize