did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
