hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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